The Police Report of Son Gohan
by Temnascentric
Summary: A series of reports from the parties involved in the arrest of Son Gohan (later expunged from his record). They're short, but good :)
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: This is a (non-profit) fan based parody. DragonBall, Dragon Ball Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by Funimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release, but not GT. Let that thing die in peace. Oh, and Dragon Ball Evolution. Lost a few brain cells watching the trailer for that one.

This is a three part little skit. Hope you find it amusing!

 _The following was discovered among the loose files of the West City police shortly after Buu's rampage and the subsequent revival of everyone on Planet Earth. It brings to light a damn good reason why you should never bully._

West City Police Department

August 29

Suspect Name (full): Son Gohan

Victim Name: (censored to protect their privacy; referred to as Bob here)

Charge(s): Aggravated Assault with a Deadly Weapon, Evading Arrest, Disturbing the Peace, Public Intoxication, Drinking While Underage, Possesion of a Firearm Without a License, Destruction of Public Property, Injury to an Officer of the Peace, etc ( _Note: In total, Son Gohan was charged with a list of over 49 different offenses. For the reader's ease of understanding, the most easily explainable have been listed)_

Officer's Report: My name is Fred Warlaw. I've been an officer of the peace for...almost ten years now and I've never seen anything like this kid. He honestly doesn't understand why he's under arrest. As if this wasn't reason enough? ( _points to cast on arm_ ) He says he didn't mean to. As if...Anyway, here's what happened. I came to the high school due to a call from the principal about a kid having some sort of gun. I waited until the kid came out and tried to pull him to the side, but he walked on and wrenched out of my grip like I hadn't even touched him. I fell flat on my face, to be trampled by a stampede of kids. By the time I got up, he was halfway down the street, trying to get into an alley.

I pulled up in my squad car and squawked the siren. He jumped a good ten feet in the air (I'm not kidding here, he hit his head on a fire escape) and came down hard. By the time I reached him, he was sitting back up as though nothing had happened. He got to his feet and greeted me respectfully. I asked him what had happened in school that day and he said that someone had tried to pants him and when they couldn't budge him, they punched him in the face and broke their hand. I assume he was referring to [Bob].Of course, this is impossible as the kid didn't have even a single mark on him. I asked him how he planned to get home and he said he was going to fly. Thinking that he meant in a capsule plane, I asked him how he got his licence to fly one. He laughed and said that he didn't use any machines and could fly under his own power. By this time I could see he was inebriated or on some sort of drug, so I asked him if he could come with me down to the station. He looked panicked and said he had to get home, then tried to run down the alley, presumably to "fly." I grabbed his shoulder and...well, I don't know what happened next. I remember a lot of wind and then my arm was broken. I remember screaming and the kid bent over me, asking where it hurt. He tried to get me to eat a bean of some sort, which I refused. Groaning, I told him to stay where he was and called for backup. They patched me up and he went with out complaint or struggle, seemingly concerned with having hurt me, but I know his kind. They're born criminals.


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: This is a (non-profit) fan based parody. DragonBall, Dragon Ball Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by Funimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release, but not GT. Let that thing die in peace. Oh, and Dragon Ball Evolution. Lost a few brain cells watching the trailer for that one.

* * *

 _The following is the statement of the alleged victim of the alleged attack._

VICTIM'S STATEMENT: I was walking down the hallway when Gohan shoved me against the wall and tried to punch me. The previous day I had accidentally bumped into him, spilling his soda.* In order to get away from him, I had to slide down from his grasp. He hit the wall and cursed me out and swore to get me next time. Next time was apparently during gym. He dragged me into the men's changing room and pointed a gun at me, threatening to kill me if I ever did something like that again. He then took the butt of the gun and smashed my hand with it, breaking it. When I managed to get to the nurse's office, I told them what happened and they said they would call the police, but I had to stay in the office until he was arrested.

*(NOTE BY A DOCTOR: Tests performed on Son Gohan's blood showed no trace of ever having touched a diet soda in his life; though there were traces of phenylalanine** in his system, it was naturally occurring and not synthetic in nature. The victim later admitted he took his own soda and poured it over Gohan's head in retaliation for some perceived slight or another. Tests on the traces of soda remaining in Son Gohan's clothing revealed it to be a diet soda, which prompted the testing for phenylalanine)

* * *

 _The following is a transcription of a brief questioning of the alleged victim on the particulars of the alleged attack (some parts censored for the safety of the parties involved). Note that this is after the student was confronted with the evidence resulting from the tests. As before, the victim's name is referred to as [Bob]._

(recording starts)

Interviewer: This is Officer Johnson Fredricks of the West City Police Department, interviewing the victim regarding the events of August 28. The date today is September 15. Will you please state your name and age for the record.

Student: My name is [Bob], and I am 17 years old.

(From here on, O refers to the officer speaking and S is the student)

O: [Bob], can you please tell me why Son Gohan attacked you?

S: I poured soda over his head.

O: I see. And why did you pour the soda over his head?

S: He embarrassed me in front of a bunch of my friends (mutters something inaudible).

O: I'm sorry, son, I couldn't hear you. What was that?

S: He...(student hesitates)...I ended up being dissed by one of my enemies in school. I lost respect because he's just a little geek and he ignored me.

O: Ok. You do know that you overreacted, right?

S: Well...yeah but...he did too...

O: [Bob], you do know that he says he doesn't know what he did to upset you. He also says that he never had a gun.

S: Um...he must have hidden it somewhere, I guess.

O: Well, if he did, he hid it pretty well, because we can't find it anywhere. Kiddo, is there something you aren't telling me?

S: ...I'm kinda feeling a bit uncomfortable...Can I go home, please?

O: I suppose...[Bob], look. If there's something you haven't told us, you need to come clean. You seem to be a good kid, ok? Don't mess it up this early on in life. If there's something you need to say, you can come back up here or call the department and ask for me, alright?

S: ...ok... Thank you sir.

O: No problem, son. It was a pleasure speaking with you today.

* * *

**Phenylalanine is an amino acid that usually occurs naturally in small amounts in the body, it is found in abundance in mammalian female milk and is widely used in the food industry via the artificial sweetener aspartame (most notably in sugar-free gums and diet sodas).

* * *

Ok! Next time: we get to hear Son Gohan's side of the story. And we all know that what he says is going to be the truth (I sometimes wonder if that kid even knows what a lie is). Hope you enjoyed this! Don't forget to leave a review on your way out. Or shoot me a PM with your thoughts! Buh-bye! Oh, and for you guys who were wondering about the science: It's real, so don't get all science choppy on me XD


End file.
